If you ask me, 3 1/2 is still pretty young. Yes, I know that my little girl is growing up and getting older. I know that she is getting smarter, more aware of the world, the way things work around her, why and how things happen. I expect as she grows and learns and becomes more aware that we will be having more and more mature conversations. But the conversations I have been having with her lately have just really surprised me to be coming from someone so young. Maybe I was just naive, never having raised a child before. Maybe I just never knew that this sort of stuff comes up this young. Or maybe she is young to be asking these sort of things. Either way, all I know is that it has caught me off guard.
Once when I was talking to my mom I was asking her about when and how you tell children about "adult" sort of things. She gave me a great answer. She said you tell them as much as they need to know to be satisfied. You give them the answers for the things they are asking and looking for. You give them the minimum. And if they continue to ask, then you continue to expand until they are satisfied.
The other day was the first time that I approached such a conversation with my daughter. Kellen was looking at my belly and she was watching him carefully. Suddenly, with a mildly concerned look on her face she asked me "How is baby Conner going to get out?" I casually turned the question back on her and asked her how she thought he was going to come out. She thought maybe he would make a hole in my belly and come out. Or maybe he would come out my mouth (both very smart and logical ideas). I told her no to both of those and she asked one more time and I again said, "Well, how else do you think he could come out?" and then she sort of dropped it and moved on. I myself didn't have a problem with telling her the true and honest answer. I just wanted to give Todd a heads up and see what he thought before I told her the whole truth. As I said, this is the first time anything of this nature has arose. We both agree that when/if it comes up again with her then she will be told how babies get out of their mommies, sparing any details or graphics. I just can't believe I am talking to a child under 4 about this sort of stuff.
The other topic Makenna has been deeply involved in talking about is death. Somewhere in the last few months she has picked up on the fact that people/animals/bugs/things die. When she first started talking about she would say things like "Look Mom, the bug is dead!" Or she would lay on the ground and close her eyes and want to pretend like she was dead. I kept wondering if she really understood what "dead" was, but I wanted to wait until she asked for more of an explanation. And she did ask one day in the bath tub. She was laying in the bath water and said "Look Mom, I am dying" I told her no she was not dying. And then she sat up and said "Mom, what does die mean?" I gave her a basic explanation. That someday our bodies will stop working, we stop breathing and our heart stops and that is when we die. I told her that our spirits then get to go to heaven and be with Jesus and Heavenly Father. She seemed satisfied with this and occasionally would continue to talk about things being dead. A number of times recently she has re-told the story of when she drowned last summer. It is amazing how much of it she recalls. Now when she tells the story she will say that she died in the pool and then KC and the firefighters saved her. I always tell her that she did not die, she just stopped breathing for a little bit but that her heart and body was still always alive. Still, it is interesting to me that she explains it this way. Still heard to cry when she tells the story, but I try to never let her see any worry or fear in my face.
Well, tonight while tucking her in bed she started asking more. "Why do we have to die?" "When will I die?" "Will you die?" "Who else will die?" "Will Jesus be nice to me in Heaven?" After a number of questions and me giving her answers I thought were comforting to her she looked at me, very scared and almost in tears and said "But Mama, I don't want to die!" I can't tell you how hard it was to keep my composure and hold the tears back in that moment. I just hugged her and tried my best to assure her that she does not need to worry about that at all and that we are together as a family and always will be. Then she said she never wanted me to die. And again, holding back the tears was so hard. I remember being a little girl and being terrified of my mother dying. Actually, I still am terrified of that. But seeing my little girl thinking and feeling these things was totally different. And I was just so unprepared for it this young.
Is this normal? Do kids her age usually start thinking and asking about these things? Am I doing a good job answering her and and reassuring her and making her feel safe? Where are these questions and thoughts coming from?
Perhaps my little girl is just growing up faster than I thought she would and it is surprising me and making me sad. It's just hard because I feel like I am having to have such grown up talks with a little girl I still see as my baby. Motherhood. You never know what is coming next.
