One of many things you quickly learn about motherhood: Just because it is mothers day, or any other holiday, does not mean that all your kids will smile and that you will get a good picture to remember said holiday by. Be happy with what you get.
I'm not going to tell Todd this (because I always like seeing what he tries to come up with as a mothers day gift) but really, getting home made tissue paper cards and silly questionnaires with hysterical answers, coupon books good for all kinds of household chores and hugs and kisses, pictures of my little ones and poems about how great of a mother I am....those are the things that make Mothers Day the best! I Love It! It makes Mothers Day contend for 1st place in the "What is your favorite holiday" poll!
And my Mommy! Without this amazing woman....well, lets just say that there are no words that could ever come close to quantifying how much love, adoration, and respect I have for her! She is everything I could hope for and everything I pray to be someday. I am grateful that with all my shortcomings as mother, my kids at least have this amazing woman as a Grammy!
And then I was blessed again, to be given another Mother in my life and a Grandmother for my children that they absolutely adore. You wonder what your relationship will be like when you get married with your husbands parents. Well, I truly hit the jackpot here. I wish that we were closer so that I could spend even more time with Loretta and have her spend more time with the kids. But what I do know is that when I am with her I am happy and smiling and that she brings love and warmth and light wherever she goes. I know that my husband speaks of her with the gentlest of words and that he loves and adores his mother. Our kids are so blessed to have a Grandmother like her that loves and adores them and uplifts them. They love their Grandma so much and miss her every day. I hope with all my heart she knows how very much we think of her, how very much we look forward to their next visit and what an inspiration and example she is to all of us.
Well, Disneyland called and said they missed us....so we just had to go back! And guess who was tall enough to sneak onto the Goofy Roller Coaster??? THIS GUY!
Apparently going to Disneyland once with the McKamey's didn't scare them off completely, so they were crazy enough to ask for more. We were back at it at Disneyland with the Coniglios again! They must be glutton for punishment!!
A very special thing happened on this particular Disney Trip. Our young padawans (is that way you call them??? Younglings? Mini-jedi's?....I'm still learning) took some tips from some kids we saw last time we were here. We made signs at home and brought them to Disneyland with us. Kellen said he wanted to just watch and see if they got picked and see how it went this time and then decide if he wants to do it again. Very typical Kellen move (MUCH like his Father!) So Con and Makenna waved their signs like made and sure enough the Jedi Master could sense the force and called them forward.
Makenna took the whole initial training exercises very seriously and had all the moves down fast! Conner, well, I think Conner was just a little in shock that he was wearing a robe and someone had actually handed him a light saber!
Sure enough we were attacked by storm troopers, Darth Maul and Darth Vader. What a dream come true for this little guy. I have to say, Conner LOVES Storm Troopers so much and wants so badly to be one, I was scared for a moment that he was going to walk on stage, drop his light saber and ask Darth Vader if he could join the dark side. But he resisted and fought courageously and the Jedi prevailed!
Thank goodness for professional Disney Photographers and them always trying to get you to buy the pictures they take. Con and Makenna were sent to different lines. Conner's line was moving a little faster and it looked like he was going to go on stage to fight one person before Makenna was up. So when caught was fighting I had all eyes on him. As he was walking off stage I looked to find Makenna in line for her turn but instead saw her final attack on Darth Maul and then watched her walk off stage. WHAT?! Apparently the guy in front of her was having a hard time so they bumped her ahead and had her go first. I felt So, so, so bad! But we got a good picture and she took it with stride. I imagine this might not be her only battle defending the Jedi ways! (If you look close you can see Con up on stage behind her!)
It was a hot one that day! Conner....you have no idea how often I feel exactly that way!
1 year used to seem like much longer than it does these days. I remember as a kid how SLOWLY time went by. PAINFULLY slow! I vividly remember (don't ask me why this was categorized as a childhood memory I must save!) waiting for us to have company show up from out of town and asking my mom how much longer until they would be here.. She said about 45 minutes, to which I asked how long that was and she said "About 1 and a half cartoons" And I remember wanting to cry....because 1 and an half cartoons seemed Soooooooo long and Soooooo far away. Now days 1 and a half cartoons seems like hardly enough time to run to the bathroom, move some laundry around, wipe a poopy bottom, break up an argument, grab the whining child a snack, get back to the laundry and bam, times up! Years are gone in a blink of an eye. My kids turn from babies, to feisty toddlers, to cute little kids, to sassy big kids while I panic watching them change so fast and try so hard to cherish every quickly passing moment, even though most days with 4 young kids it feels a lot like survival mode. But time slows down for no one.
The time from May 29, 2013-May 29, 2014 feels strange. On one hand it feels the way it felt when I was a child. Time has sort of crawled along, painfully slow. Every day a reminder of what Papa is missing, of what I am missing with my Dad. Going through all those stages of grief (that we are always in denial we are in while we are going through them). Feeling sad each time I think "I have to call Dad and tell him this!" and then realizing he is not on the other end of the line anymore. Learning to get used to life without his physical presence has been a painful process....one that is still not fully complete. And I wonder more and more if it ever will be. In a way I hope it is not. I want to miss him. And though each passing day it seems like things do slowly get easier, it is not so much because the pain goes away. It is just that the pain becomes part of you. You know it is there, you are used to it, you recognize it, it has become a familiar "friend" if you will. And though it still brings tears, it's presence becomes more "normal" with each step forward.
On the other had this year has flown by! It seems like only yesterday I was receiving that horrible phone call, and somehow it has been a year! The little baby that couldn't even crawl that my dad is holding on his lap on the last day I saw him, that baby is now walking and running and talking....and holding a sunflower and saying Papa's name and putting it by his grave. Not because she knows what she is doing, but because she knows how to mimic her older siblings. She knows Papa's name by seeing his face....but I cry because I know that that is All she really knows about him. At least until she is older and we can share our memories of him with her. But even then, all she will know and remember are a few pictures and other peoples memories. Makenna was in 1st Grade when he passed away and now she is in 3rd grade and being baptized. Seeing how fast time has gone by and how much we have already missed having him here with us for. I know he is close. I know this without any doubt in my mind. I know that he is always aware. Always watching. I know that my children have an angel guarding them that loves them with every fiber of his soul. And for that I am grateful and rest a little more at peace. But I miss him. We miss him. We will always miss him.
We spent May 29th remembering Papa. We visited him at the cemetery and talked about our favorite memories of him. The kids all said close to the same thing. They loved how much he played with him. How nice he was. The things he would send them to show them he missed them. That he played with them. That he played with them. That he played with them. It is amazing how much of a relationship with a child is built upon the time you are willing to take to stop and play with your child. I need to remember this. I need to do better.
After that we went to the beach. We ran on the sand and played in the water. Papa loved the beach. It is where he spent his last day on this earth, collecting sea shells with a friend for his grandkids. We ate sandwiches at The Cheese Shop, an amazing sandwich place in La Jolla where Sarah, Dad and I would always stop and get sandwiches and then come and eat as a picnic at the beach. We played frisbee on the lawn until Kellen stepped on a bee and got stung. We had fun. We laughed. We enjoyed nature and enjoyed life. The way that Papa always did!
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