I Never Knew...

...how much love my heart could hold until someone called me Mom.

There is something magical about those first hours and days with your baby. Theoretically you should be completely exhausted. But instead, you are too in love to be exhausted. The same way you stay up all night with your boyfriend, whispering on the phone into the wee hours of the morning, knowing that you will be tired and paying for it the next day...you just can't bring yourself to say goodbye and hang up the phone. Its the same with your brand new baby. As tired and drained as you may be you just want to keep staring at, touching, holding, kissing, smelling the sweet bundle in your arms. You memorize every inch of their body....their toes, their fingers, their ears, lips, nose, eyes. Though they sleep, and you should too, instead you sit and watch them sleep. And even when your body forces you to sleep, you hold her in your arms next to the warmth of your chest and sleep that way. Because having her in the small bassinet right next to your bed just seems to far away to handle. Well, maybe it is not like this for everyone. But it is how if feels for me. Almost like Mommy's version of separation anxiety. 

My doctor kept telling me she could see hair on the babies head when she would do her ultrasounds. But I don't think I really believe her because I was totally shocked when she came out with such a head of hair. She easily has more hair than the rest of our babies when they were born...combined. 

The reality of 4 kids for the first time. Conner was too in love to take his eyes of her, even for a moment.

Straight from heaven.

Makenna is sooooo happy to have a sister! And I am sooo happy that she has a sister. When you have a sister that means the world to you, you pray that your daughter will have the chance to have that same kind of relationship.

Kellen was just as perfect and sweet and gentle with her as I expected him to be. He has a very naturally loving and caring personality to him. I knew that now, being 4 and having even more maturity, that he would be a great big brother to his little sis. I know I will not be disappointed!

You know she is tiny when a newborn outfit and newborn beanie are Huge on her and the chest buckle is wider than her body. Such a little peanut.

Carys Elizabeth

The whole time you are pregnant you wonder to yourself, "how will this story go?" You wonder what the birth of your baby will be like. You hope that it goes exactly the way you have planned. You worry about the complications and things that could potentially go wrong. So the moment when you get to sit down with your baby snuggled up to your chest and look back on and write the story of their birth, well, it's a special moment.

I went into the hospital around 9 in the morning on October 16th for my usual Tuesday nst (non stress test). I had done everything in my power all weekend to Not take it easy with hopes that my amniotic fluid would be low enough to merit a trip to labor and delivery. Not because I was impatient and sick of being prego and ready to have a baby. Rather because I felt like I could not go another day worrying and stressing that something was going wrong with my baby to make her have the heart decelerations she had been experiencing and worrying day after day what would happen if something serious went wrong that they missed. I couldn't take it. I needed this baby out of me. I needed to hold her and feel her and see her and know that she was okay.

So after monitoring her heart rate (which looked great) they measured the fluid. Well, apparently I did my job well. Anything under a 5.0 wins you a trip to L&D. I was measuring between a 2-3!! I was having a baby! (Relief, relief, relief!)

So I make a million phone calls to make sure Todd is leaving work, Grammy is leaving work, Sarah is finding a sitter to come down, I have people to pick up all my kids and watch them until the baby is born, etc.

It was around 12:00 when they finally had me settled in and hooked up to the pitocin and got things started. We all placed bets on how long the process would take. I was already about 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. We talked about potential middle names for little baby Carys (Daddy was the one choosing her middle name since Mama put her foot down and did not allow negotiations on her first name). The leading contender were Alexandra, Elizabeth and something I am suddenly forgetting. We looked up famous people born on October 16th. We played name that tune and laughed our heads off at Grammy trying to sing all the different songs, occasionally busting out a little dance move here or there. Overall, it was quite a party!

(Daddy sporting his beard! He was very proud to have a full beard at the birth of his daughter, so that it could be recorded and remembered forever!)

Around 4:00 they broke my water and I had them give me the epidural at the same time. I believe I was somewhere around 3 or so cm at that point. I told the nurse, Lisa (who was amazing and hilarious and a perfect nurse for our group) that I normally take awhile to get to a 5 and then go super fast from there. 

Sure enough I was spot on. It took until 6:30-6:40 for me to get to 5 cm. But this time I was at an 8 within 20 minutes of that. The nurse came in and started prepping and checking me throughout. Every 5 minutes or so I was another cm dilated. When they were ready they checked me and said babies head was right there. It happened so fast and so relaxed that it was almost hard to take in the fact that I was really just about to have a baby.

The nurse told me to push and I asked her if she was sure (I am known to push babies out fast!). She said yes and so I started to push. And I swear, I had only half pushed when everyone starts saying "Okay stop, stop!" Her head was half way out (yes, I did sort of want to pat myself on the back!) and the doctor said they were just going to let her slide the rest of the way out. She had the cord wrapped around her neck once (probably the explanation for the heart decelerations). And then suddenly, there she was. Little Cary slipped out into the world at 7:36 pm. The moment I heard her cry and saw her little arms and legs flailing around, it was a rush of relief and joy and love just completely overwhelming me. My eyes welled up with tears and words truly failed me. The moment was too perfect. No words could do the moment justice. She was perfect.

 I absolutely love this picture. The very first time I touched my sweet baby.

 Daddy cutting the cord....quite a pro at this by now. 

 Our first family picture. Is that beard not looking great or what?!

 And there she was....our sweet little angel. Our darling baby Carys. Shortly after she was born I asked Todd if he knew her middle name. And without hesitation he said he knew- Carys Elizabeth. It was perfect, just like her.

 Our tiny little baby, weighing only 6 lbs 11 oz. I Never thought I would get such a tiny baby. It was something quite fun to hold someone so tiny.

 Daddy's first time holding his daughter. There is something magical about the love a father has for his baby girl.

 So glad Auntie Rah Rah could be there for this moment as well. 

Grammy with her newest Grandbaby. And possibly the last one she will ever get to See be born. It's a moment that compares to no other moment in life. And yes, it was perfect.

Oh Baby!

When you go into the doctors office with each subsequent pregnancy, they tell you that pregnancy is going to get harder and harder each time. They tell you that you will be more uncomfortable, feel more symptoms, have a harder time carrying the baby, etc. I never really found that with my first 3 pregnancies. They all seemed to feel the same more or less. Well, I guess #4 is when it hits ya! 

This pregnancy with our sweet baby girl was by far the most draining. This could very likely be due to the fact that I was also busy changing around 3 older McKamey kids. But I certainly felt it a lot more this time. Just more sore, tired, achy. More symptoms than I have previously experienced.

And then we got the 3rd trimester. I knew that starting around 34 weeks I would begin going in for non-stress tests (nst) to monitor the babies fluid levels since I was induced for low fluid with Conner. Well, the first couple of them went good. Fluid was in the lower part of the normal range, but still normal so not a concern. Then after a week or two of nst's I was sent up to triage because the baby was having some heart decelerations that looked concerning. It was just days before Kellen's birthday and I was not quite 37 weeks. I didn't want to have the baby before Kellen's party and ruin his special day (we all know how Kellen feels about celebrations). Plus, I knew that having the baby this early would most likely mean a short stay in the NICU...not something we were wanting. After hours of monitoring and a pitocin induced stress test, Baby was given a passing score and we were sent home. Though happy to be home there lingered a feeling of worry and concern as to what it was that had caused these decelerations in the first place.

Sure enough, a week or so later we earned another trip up to triage for monitoring, once again due to concerns with her heart rate. This time the monitoring didn't last quite as long. And we were allowed to go home but were told to come back the next day for another NST, just to keep a Really close eye on baby.

At this point I had had it. I was stressing constantly about whether or not she was okay. Why was she having these decelerations? What happens if she is having them when I am not on the monitor? She was also measuring small according to measurements done during ultrasounds...right around the 30%. I am usually known for having big babies, so to be having a baby measure small to me seemed to be alarming and a cause for concern. I felt like every second of the day all I was doing was waiting for the next moment I felt the baby kick so I knew she was still okay. I love pregnancy, but this time around it was just plain stressful in the end. So I decided that it was time to take matters into my own hands. The doc said that they would not be able to induce before 39 weeks unless there was a serious medical reason to do so earlier. I was just about at 38 weeks, but didn't know if I could take a whole other week of stress and worry. So I decided that I was going to do my best to Make my fluid go down some so that they would take things seriously and get this baby out. I spent the whole weekend on my feet as much as I could! (They tell you to rest to make more fluid, so I did just the opposite). And we made sure to have maternity pics taken, just in case this actually worked and we had a baby.

So here we are, 37 1/2 weeks. Looking at this belly you certainly wouldn't guess it was a "little" baby in there :)

My handsome boy....wanted a picture taken but not with my belly!

Makenna was soooo excited to have a baby sister. We were both feeling the need to even out the score and balance out the man power going on!

My goofy pose idea. I was thinking it would look like a totem pole of kids :)

One Last Outing

As tradition for me with my kiddos, I try to have one last outing before the baby arrives. Though I didn't know for sure if baby was coming, I was hoping she would be making her debut soon. In fact, part of my purpose in our trip to the Birch Aquarium was me trying to stay as busy and active as possible so that my fluid would drop enough for them to induce labor. (more explanation of this will come in the following post).
So Sarah, the kiddos and I all loaded up and went to the aquarium for the day. It was probably my most favorite trip to the aquarium ever. 

 I know I am bias, but we sure have a good lookin bunch of kids!

 Going to the aquarium with Brooke was quite fun. I have never met a child so in love with fish as this little girl is! And all the kids are aware of her passion for sea life, so they just fed into it the whole time as well. Everyone worked as a team at each aquarium trying to spot Nemo or Dory, or any other character from Finding Nemo. It was the cutest thing!

 It was a gorgeous day, as it usually is in San Diego. The aquarium is not a huge place, but I was amazed at how much time the kids were able to spend entertaining themselves.

Ho Ho Happy Birthday

I love my boy Kellen. I love so, so much about him. But one of his charms is his love for all things holiday. At the top of his preferred holidays is Christmas. And after Kellen's 3rd Birthday he decided that he wanted his next party to be Santa themed. Well, he did not forget. He kept his plan alive all year long. So come birthday time we made it happen. We had a Santa party in October!

On Kellen's actual birthday he got to pick where we ate for the day and what we did. No surprise, he chose Chuck E Cheese for his lunch. And for dinner we went to Panera so he could have his favorite Mac and Cheese (his second love after Santa!)

That night we had cake and family presents at home. Kellen picked out his own cake from the store. I guess he figured one of his cakes should be halloween themed since it was October. He got a bunch of pirate stuff for his birthday from Mom and Dad, Makenna and Conner and Grammy and Pa. He was in heaven!

 The Saturday following his birthday was the big party. We decked the house with all the Christmas decorations I could find in October. Had I not been 9 months pregnant, I would have gone out even more. I would have loved to get down all our decorations and get the whole house decked out. I also would have loved to make tons of Christmas treats and desserts. But given the fact that I was huge, uncomfortable and in and out of stress tests and triage with the baby and not knowing if she would be arriving any day, we had to go with what worked and what was easy. And it still managed to turn out super cute!

 Kellen's Christmas cake. You should have seen the look on the face of the lady when I ordered this Christmas cake, in October and requested it to read "Happy Birthday Kellen" It made me feel so cool and like I had the raddest son ever!

 Everyone had a blast at the party. We had a Santa pinata....

It amazes me that pinatas do not totally scar children emotionally. But somehow the kids become so wrapped up in gathering their candy that they seem to forget the dangling Santa head right above them...

A very happy Birthday boy!

We played "Pin the fuzzy ball on Santa's hat"...

And we made gingerbread men crafts and decorated papers with Santa stickers.

During cake and presents Kellen was very strict about making sure that people stood in certain places and did certain things. You could tell he had very much anticipated this moment and had envisioned it playing out a certain way and therefore very much instructed people on the way they should behave. It was pretty funny to watch. He reminds me so much of his Daddy's personality!

 I don't know if the party could have been a bigger success. It just felt so good to take Kellen's creative idea, his dream and watch it come to life. When you have a kid that cherishes celebrations, holidays and parties the way that Kellen does it really makes you feel good when something lives up to his hopes and expectations. After this experience it is a party I would be more than happy to do again. All for our boy!

Here are some things I want to remember about
KELLEN AT 4
-Still LOVES (I mean Totally passionate about) any and all holidays and celebrations
-Can count to 30 with a few hiccups here and there (forgets 13 and 15)
-Writes his name Great!
-Wants to be Santa, a Firefighter or an Astronaut when he grows up
-Still loves Spider Man. Also loves pirates
-Favorite Song: Families Can Be Together Forever
-Favorite Food: Mac and Cheese
-Favorite Color: Orange, though he says that red is a close second these days
-Finally sleeps in past 7:00 on most mornings
-Most mornings when I drop him off at preschool he has me kiss him in the class room and then either comes out after me or stops me on the way out the door for just "1 more kiss"
-He always wants to hold my hand when we walk Makenna to and from school
-Favorite snack is fishy crackers and he has a baggy of them Every day
-Best friend is Peter Nelson. He says he is going to marry Makenna's friend Katie
-Loves to cut things out of magazines and make collages