I just need a moment or two...

...and then hopefully I will be feeling much better.

Sometimes you just need to vent and right now is one of those times. Thank you to all those on the receiving end of this vent who are willing to listen to the small, yet extremely annoying nuances that you get to deal with as a mother. A long with listening to my rant, any advice you may have to impart of would be gladly welcomed.
The closer Kellen was getting to walking the more and more nervous I was. I was worried that he would be so much more of a handful. I thought I was going to be chasing kids all day long. Much to my surprise, Kellen's walking has been a wonderful thing for he and I. Though he does get into a lot, it's not as difficult as I anticipated. And since he has been walking he has been so much happier and more content. He is just so happy to be on two feet and moving around like the big boy that he is. Life with him (as an individual) has gotten so much better. Walking has been a great thing.

However, it has caused some different challenges and problems in the family. Challenges that I did not anticipate at all and have completely caught me off guard.
Since Kellen started walking Makenna has been having a rough time. The first day or two she was very excited for him and was quick to point out every independent step that he took. She would cheer him on and was almost more proud of him than anyone else. But after a couple of days this wore off, and instead some serious jealousy settled in. I think that once Makenna realized how much attention he was getting for his walking, it didn't seem quite as neat. And all eyes on Kellen, paired with the fact that he could now follow her everywhere, get into her things, reach more of her toys, etc. left Kenna quite annoyed with Kellen's new two legged trick. Suddenly I was catching Makenna knocking Kellen over (usually done pretty slyly, but other times very blatant and obvious). And for a week or two she was just down right cranky. She just seemed very annoyed and was being pretty mean and feisty for awhile. Kenna and Kellen were getting on each others nerves, and thus getting on my nerves. It was not at all what I had expected. I had anticipated Kellen's walking being a great thing for them. I thought they would have so much fun together when they could run around and chase each other and have more in common. So it was a bit of a downer for me to have her and Kellen not getting along. And even more upsetting was seeing Makenna so unhappy. The most important thing to me is the happiness of my children, and seeing Makenna that way made me feel like I was failing.

I started focusing on giving Makenna more one on one time. I made sure to take more time to play with her, point out the great things she was doing. I tried to help her see the fun side of Kellen walking. And gratefully there was a big change a week or so ago. I swear one day Makenna woke up in the morning and was back to her old self. One morning I asked her how she was and how she had slept that night and she said "Mama, I'm not cranky anymore!" I did a big song and dance over that and we had a number of amazing days in a row. She and Kellen were playing well again, she and I were having fun, her spirits were lifted, things were better.

And then something new started to happen. Suddenly I was noticing Makenna acting like a baby a lot. She would follow Kellen around and mimic his behaviors. She would ask for baby food, would want snacks whenever he had one, would pretend like she wanted a baba. She would speak in baby talk or want me to rock her or hold her. At first this was almost cute. I know it is very normal for kids to go through this phase, so I just went a long with it. I would let her act like a baby when she wanted to, but I would also remind her that she was a big girl when she was being inappropriate. I have been working hard on pointing out all the good parts of being a big girl...all the things she gets to do that babies can't. How fun and exciting and special it is to be a big girl. But she continues to think being a baby looks much more appealing.

And then suddenly this behavior began taking upon itself a very negative attribute. Suddenly Makenna was mimicking Kellen A Lot, and mimicking him most often when he was misbehaving. Kellen would be pulling on the fan and I would tell him no (the way you reprimand an 11 month old), and suddenly Makenna would be next to him doing the same thing. So I would reprimand her (the way you would reprimand a 3 year old). This continued to happen more and more often. Every time Kellen would do something naughty Makenna would be right there behind him copying his behavior. Obviously Kellen does not understand and/or have the ability to really obey rules right now. He is just too young. But Makenna knows the rules. She knows what is right and what is wrong. And for me it is EXTREMELY frustrating to see a child misbehaving who knows better. So now every time Kellen does something he shouldn't do I have two kids doing it....one who knows the rules and one who I am trying to teach the rules to. When Makenna is copying Kellen my instinct is to be tough on her and tell her she is a big girl and that she needs to act like a big girl and not act like a baby. I tell her she knows the rules and Kellen doesn't and she needs to help me teach him how to be a good big boy. But how can I say that and have that be effective when right now she doesn't want to be a big girl. She wants to be like a baby. And who could blame her. She sees Kellen disobeying and not going on time-out. We just tell him "no no" and move him away. And she see's us tell him No and have him keep doing it. And then she does the same thing and we are much more harsh with her. I feel like this is just making the jealousy and resentment issue so much worse. So I don't know how to reprimand her in a way that will be effective but also not make her resent Kellen for it.
I also feel like this is making me a much more impatient, frustrated mother. I can usually be very patient with babies that are curious and get themselves into trouble. But since Makenna follows him around copying him I dread it when he finds something "naughty" to do. I feel like I am more impatient and more easily frustrated with Kellen when I shouldn't be and it's not his fault. I just don't know what to do. When Makenna sees Kellen disobey then she disobeys right along with him. If Kellen screams while we are out at the store or restaurant, then Makenna screams. She will copy every sound he makes and make it just as loud or louder. When I tell the to stop Kellen keeps doing it, so Kenna keeps going too. And to make it worse this will often make Kellen laugh. He thinks it's hilarious when she copies him, so that just encourages her even more. What do I do?

I know this is a phase like all phases are. I know that this will pass as all phases do. I know that it will be replaced by something new and I will get frustrated with something else and then that will go away too. It is just knowing how to survive while I am waiting for the phase to pass. And making sure I am reacting in a way that will not make the situation worse.

I am thinking about making a sticker chart for Makenna and rewarding her when she is being good. Giving her a sticker to put on it every time she is a good example to Kellen. Being positive when she listens when I am trying to get Kellen to behave...something along those lines. Makenna loves to be praised and loves to help out and responds well to those sort of things. I just feel very worn out with it all. I am sick of having to battle with both of them at the same time when one of them knows the rules.

On the bright side the two of them are having a lot of fun together these days. They are enjoying playing with each other. And one of my favorite sounds in the world is hearing them laugh together. I love my kids with all my heart. They are everything to me and I will take on every challenge parenthood has to throw at me because I feel so overwhelmingly blessed to even have them in my life. I am blessed and lucky to even have my daughter here....to have her running around and annoying me and challenging me and driving me a bit insane. She is a tough, stubborn, wild, independent, determined, strong headed little girl. She is an exhausting toddler....and I wouldn't have it any other way. These are all qualities I am proud of and prayed my daughter would have. They will be good for her and make her a strong woman. It is just a matter of surviving through all this strength and energy when she is only 3 years old.